My heart attack was nothing like I thought it would be. No “I’m coming to see you, Elizabeth!” like Fred Sanford used to say. No lightning bolt of pain in my chest that made me fall instantly unconscious. No numb left arm or tingly fingers (until much later).



My heart attack was a gradual increase of pressure and pain that was unlike anything I ever felt before. Sort of like a strong, painful strumming in my chest. Think of the vibration a guitar string makes when you pluck it. That vibration is the sound you hear. I felt one long, painful, pressurized note that got progressively louder (more painful) as the seconds ticked by. It felt like a deep, strong vibration.


Toward the end, when I decided to call 911, is when the fear set in. I’m only 44, I’m pretty fit, is this really a heart attack? Am I going to die today?



FEAR is what made me call 911.


And FEAR is what saved my life.



If I hadn’t been afraid of dying too early of some ailment or disease, I wouldn’t have paid much attention to the symptoms of HEART ATTACK and STROKE for women. If I wasn’t afraid of getting stiff and out of shape in old age, I wouldn’t have tried to keep myself in reasonably decent shape all these years. And if I wasn’t afraid of passing out and having a wreck on the highway, I would not have pulled over when I did and called 911 on myself.



We women have to start being afraid again.


Be afraid to get out of shape!


Be afraid to die of some horrible disease!


Be afraid to become old and feeble.


These things are NOT INEVITABLE!



Please.



Eat LESS SALT! Our heart, kidneys, brain and liver can’t take it.


Eat LESS FAT! Our bodies aren’t made to carry it all.


Get more EXERCISE! Our bodies fall apart without it.

We can only take care of ourselves; no one else can do it for us.



I’m still afraid.


Are you with me??

April 21, 2010 I had a heart attack. I am 44 years old. It was one of the scariest moments of my life, and I have been forever changed by it.

My parents are dead. I am not very close to my family. My partner is wonderful and my friends offer a lot of support and fun. But, inside my head I'm alone.

Just me. And the fear.

Who am I now? The grass is green and the wind is warm. I am supposed to be outside but I'm not.
The sun is shining and the birds are singing. I'm supposed to be out there sweating, moving, breathing deep.

But I'm not.

Who am I now? Not the old me, that's for sure. What's the new me like? I don't even know yet.
I have to 'take it easy'. Go slow. Wait, it'll come.
Maybe. I'm not the person I used to be, and I'm not sure who I am now. I just hope I come out better and braver.